Fighting the machine February 25, 1986

 




Fighting the machine

 

Feb. 25, 1986

 

It’s no easy thing, fighting the machine – the network, the mindset that cares nothing about the individual, giving people numbers and designating each to a category of life which none can to readily escape

sometimes this process is obvious like getting threatening letters from insurance companies and banks this subtle pressure comes from other ways like in the price of a car repair which climbs steadily up upward and without reason

for instance, the simple repair of shocks which in most cars boils down to a matter of a few bolts.

But redesigned it rises up to a job unbelievable. In my case $290 worth

The threatening letters came by way of fotomat corporation over my benefits package

I did not make enough money to cover the welfare garnish so in the end I find myself unable to force them to be human.

Part of the problem which makes welfare people ashamed to collect and working class into slaves

Louise doesn't receive one red cent of what I pay, the system does,a bloody vicious system with tentacles in people's wallets and minds.

I know this all sounds pretty bad and I'm sorry there are other aspects more personal that make living painful like thinking of Fran and hearing quotes from other people that suggest she might still love me

Me the fool that drove her away

Me the monster that coldly refused to bend towards her I know the reason I had for my actions

some of these were very good and honest and still valid but in many ways I am the machine cold and calculating as much as Fotomat corporation is towards me

 I resist Saphire's love in the very same way and I'm generally down and don't understand how to get myself back up without help

Even the creative part of me is weak maybe it's the full moon or the high tides or the sense of failure which brings it its own fulfillment

I feel sometimes so small and helpless like a child in the world of adults and it's not just me personally but the environment I choose to live in

I went West Sunday looking for housing, finding a world of more machine minds bent on raising prices and making life impossible for the poor

the Koch disease of high rents has spread to the Delaware water gap. the Realtors and the property owners are like tyrannical Lords of the Middle Ages, to live you must give all to those who own everything already.

 there are spots of reasonable rent yet like here in Passaic but the future is dim here too as the mayor leaps on the flames of last September and uses them to crush the last surviving island of reasonable living

 I sit here feeling it all hang over my head

so many axes and all of them very sharp

 





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